woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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