Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
