This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
