dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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