I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
