I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
