Having a random hookup so left but love u
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
