we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
