We're facebook friends in real life
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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