Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
