Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
