Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
