Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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