Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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