The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
