There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
NoShamevember. You game?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize