I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
