Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
