some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
