I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
