Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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