Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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