i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
