I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
