come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
