I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
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