i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
