Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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