She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
