Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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