I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
