I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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