I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
