Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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