I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My penis needs a shock collar
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
