Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
