I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
