Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
