I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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