just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
