I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
