kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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