i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
