you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize