In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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