you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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