I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
