Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize