Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize