i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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