wrigley field is MILF paradise
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
