just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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