It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
