i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
