just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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