help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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