We won't sleep together?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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