Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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