Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
