You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
