I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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