Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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