Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
it's like iHOP with fire
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Randomize
