I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
