since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
