i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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