do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
