Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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