did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
