You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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