i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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