Define "chronic" masturbator.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
